Monday, August 9, 2010

A Mother's Letting Go

Letting go.
Letting go is painful.
If I let go with my hands do I have to let go with my heart?
How do I let go without being anxious?  How do I not worry about or imagine things not yet happened?
Do I have to give up certain maternal rights when I let go?  Am I not allowed to ask the questions that are burning in my gut...questions that are none of my business?  Why aren't they my business?
How do I let go of a life that is literally a part of me...flesh and soul?
Will it leave a hole in me forever that can't be filled?


Letting go.
Letting go is powerful.
When I let go, it says "I trust".  Letting go says "I have faith in you".
 If I let go, will they feel empowered or scared or both?  
Will they take with them what has been imparted to them?
When I let go, will they know that they can reach back for me if they need to?
By letting go, will they have faith in themselves to follow their dreams?  
Letting go will give them the confidence to walk, then run, then fly.


Letting go.
Letting go is glorious.
When I let go, the hole in my heart that I thought would always be there, is filled with pride.
By letting go I feel joy in watching my extended flesh and soul tackle the life that they have chosen for themselves.
Letting go replaces angst and worry with hope and dreams.
When I let go, my hands are free to be busy with the things there was no time for, when they were holding those precious hands.

Letting go.
Letting go is a journey.
It is not instant or without trepidation.  But it is a journey that every mother dreads, then takes and finally rejoices in.  I have taken this journey five times with one time left to go.  Letting go never gets any easier or any less scary.  But I have not been disappointed and I will never forget the joy that comes in letting go.

From His lap,

11 comments:

  1. this is a very powerful post...wow just wow

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  2. Thank you so much, Georgie. I'm so glad it blessed you!

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  3. Awesome post, Erin! It is difficult to let go but in letting go, they usually return. Hmmm...maybe that's not such a good thing! LOL Blessings to you, sweetie!

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  4. They actually have returned a time or two, Lynn!

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  5. Erin, I enjoy reading your posts. You have a beautiful writing style, and your posts are so insightful. As you know, I just let go of my baby girl, into the hands and heart of the love of her life, her husband. As our children mature, or think they are maturing, mothers do go through all of those thoughts, feelings and concerns about their child's future. What I finally learned to rest in is that God wants us to let them go, but He will never let them go. We should be there when they reach back, but never to take God's place, just to extend God's heart to them. Thanks for sharing. I'm sure many have had the same experience, or will have. Love, Susan B

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  6. My daughter is now 24. She has her own place more than an hour from home. When she was in HS, we were so close. No real rebellion from her, we did everything together. When she went to college, I cried and cried and cried. The first few years she would come home on the weekends. I would just cry when she left.

    After every summer of her being home and loving it, we moved her back in to a dorm, I cried. For days.

    After graduation, she moved in an apartment with her friends. She has a good job, roommates and a life of her own. I miss her. I realized that I did my job and had to let her go. It's hard but the rewards are substantial.

    She is her own woman now and I helped develop that. I still cry when she leaves. Mostly because I am so proud of her and she is so fun to be around. Somewhere in there, she is still my little girl. Thanks for the post. It made me cry. :)

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  7. Oh, Samantha, thank you for sharing your story. I know that pride that you feel when they are on their own. I have one more left to go, so I am taking it the hardest with him...there are no more coming up behind him to fill the void. But I am already proud of the person he has become and he, like the others, won't let me down.
    Blessings,
    Erin
    PS I didn't mean to make you cry!

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  8. Thanks Erin! I have one more. He will be a senior in HS this year. They are 7 years apart which she disliked immensely until he became someone she could really pick on. I am very proud of him as well. He had to live through the separation of his father and I. His grades relfect that.

    I also see what I unconciously did. Perhaps because he is the last, my baby or perhaps because he was my boy. Boys are instinctively independent or so I thought. I raised my girl to be independent and confident. My boy, not so much. I was wrong (as she has pointed out many times....mom, you never would have let me get away with that!) so I am now trying to restructure a 17 year old's thinking.

    It's all good though. He's great and he and my daughter are very close. I adore my children. It's kind of funny how I raised her to be her own woman and she is and it broke my heart to lose her to grown-upness and my son who is 17 and still asks me to make him PB&J's.

    I don't take them for granted, that's for sure. Parents, they grow so fast. Enjoy the crazy!

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  9. Sami, I have 3 girls & 3 boys and I would say that I babied the boys more and expected more out of my daughters. I think it's a mom, son thing!!
    ~Erin

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  10. Erin,
    This is beautiful! Thanks for sharing. Sorry I made you cry with my post today.
    Love,
    karen :)

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    1. Karen, it made me cry in a good way! I realized that I have done all I can do and now I have to have faith that they will continue on in God's hands! I'm so honored that you stopped by here!
      Blessings,
      ~Erin

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Thank you for giving us a little nugget of truth from your heart!

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