Blame It On the Uterus

Gentlemen, if you don't like hearing about womanly issues, read on at your own risk!  I intend to be very blunt in this post!  Consider yourselves warned!

Me with a uterus

A couple of years ago, due to health reasons, I had my uterus, ovaries and cervix removed.  I was in my late 40's and had already raised six children so I knew I wouldn't be having anymore kids.  I took a long time to discuss with my doctor, do the research and talk with my husband before I made my decision to have the surgery.  Afterwards, I began a regimen of a very low dose of bioidentical hormones.

Let me say right from the outset, that from the day after my surgery and going forward, I have felt better emotionally than I felt in years.  I seemed to experience a lightness and liberty that I hadn't known previously.  I became much bolder and clearer about what I want out of life and what I desire to accomplish.  I don't know what the medical or physical explanations for this are, but I just know it to be true in my case.

One of my favorite sayings by George Bernard Shaw is "Life is not about finding yourself.  It's about creating yourself."  And that's exactly what I've been doing since my surgery.  Maybe it's a combination of the surgery, kids being grown and gone and plain old freedom, but I've been on a journey of creating myself that shows no sign of stopping.  It seems strange to begin that journey in my early 50's.  You would think that is a path you start in your 20's.

But there is something about having a uterus and all that goes with it (if you're having children) that puts your path and your dreams on hold for a while.  Oh, I don't mean you can't have a career and a uterus at the same time.  Don't get your panties in a wad!  It's just that,  for me, even though I've had a career the past 30 years, my most important goal was making sure that six other little human beings in my care were set on their path, moving towards their dreams.  SO...losing my uterus was very symbolic for me, of a new journey that was moving towards MY dreams.

Me without a uterus

But, there is a downside to my hysterectomy that I wasn't prepared for at all.  My mother is gone so I didn't have her to warn me about the changes.  My doctor had told me of all other kinds of things to expect, but we never discussed what was about to happen to my body.  It has been a little shocking to say the least.  I used to look at women in their late 40's and early 50's and see the small, almost inperceptible changes and think, "Why are they letting that happen to themselves?"  Well, honey, I've joined the club!!!!

Let me just tell you about a few of the changes since surgery.  My hair has become thick and wiry and doesn't want to do anything it used to do when I styled it.  My skin...oh my skin...it looks like some worn out old leather.  When I look at my hands, I don't recognize them.  Then there's my nails.  They've become so thin and peely.  And the weight gain...well let's just say, I don't even want to talk about the weight gain.

My face, that's a story in itself.  First of all, I look tired, even when I'm not.  My skin sags here and there and my eyelids droop and fold down so far, I don't have any where to put eye shadow!  One morning I walked past a mirror, did a double take.  It was as though I was staring at a complete stranger!  Who was that person in the mirror?  I could really see my mother and my grandmothers in the reflection looking back at me.  At first I was horrified.  Then, I just laughed.  I remembered all the times I had looked at my older friends and wondered why they weren't taking better care of their skin and face.

While all of that is a little disconcerting and I don't look in the mirror too often now, I must say that I feel beautiful.  I really feel beautiful; from the inside out.  I really mean that.  I'm on a journey to places unknown to me yet.  Along the way, my skin will sag a bit more.  My hair will become even more unruly and my eyelids just might fall all the way down over my eyes!  But it will be MY  journey and my joys and my heartaches.  Hopefully, I can bring joy and encouragement to my family and friends along the way!