Deposits and Withdrawals in the Love Bank

Do you look at your marriage through God's eyes?  Do you see your spouse the way God does?  Do you know what your spouse sees when he looks at you? These are tough questions, but reflecting on them can be a real eye opener.

Marriage is hard...very hard.  Anyone who tells you it isn't is either lying to themselves or to you. Blending together two different people with two different backgrounds and two different personalities could almost seemed doomed from the start.  But the good news is, God wants to be right in the middle of the mix. His presence in your marriage takes what is hard, and makes it also good and sweet and comforting.


I hear so many people say that they don't care what their spouse thinks;  if there is something they want to do, they are going to do it regardless of what their spouse thinks. Selfishness seems to run rampant in marriage.  I can guarantee you, that is not the way God designed marriage to work, and it won't work that way for very long.  Jesus is our example of having a servant's heart.  Even while being betrayed and spat upon, He loved and forgave and went to the cross for the guilty ones.  I'm not suggesting that we suffer abuse or violence.  I'm talking about the ebb and flow of every day life, the things that upset and frustrate us, the actions that make us mad and try our patience.

I see marriage like a dance, weaving and moving to different beats and rhythms, trying not to step on each other's feet, sometimes holding close and other times at a distance, but always trying to move together.  There are days that my husband leads the dance and others days when I am in the lead.  But the music we are moving to is the breath of God on our relationship.  If we let Him orchestrate the dance, there is always hope, always forgiveness, always love.

My mom and dad

When we get out of step or out of sorts with each other, it's usually because we have our eyes on ourselves and not on the other person.  Wouldn't marriage be a wonder if we were both trying to outdo the other on serving each other? What would that look like?  I watched my parents do that very thing until the day my mom left this earth.  It was truly something to behold. Taking turns, one depositing love, one making a withdrawal.  Always making sure the account never ran dry!

If you have days when you are weak and troubled by life, wouldn't it be a joy to have your spouse recognize it and do what they could to minister to you, until you are so filled up with the love they're giving you, that you are back on top?  The secret is that you should be doing that for them too.  Somebody has to give up the idea of being "right" and be the first one to say, "I'll be the one.  I'll be unselfish towards you, even when I don't want to.  Even when I don't feel like it."  Can you be that one?  Can you give up your right to be right and instead, look for ways to minister to your spouse?

As you spend time with God, His strength will build in you and you will find yourself not reacting to your spouse in anger or frustration so quickly.  You might even see them through the eyes of God.  You can ask the Lord to show you what your spouse needs from you.  Now, I know sometimes it's lonely to be the one to start having a servant's heart toward your honey when they aren't acting the same way towards you.  You may have to make a lot of love deposits before you get to make a withdrawal.  But I promise you, God is faithful and wants our marriages to work...and not just work...but be happy and fulfilling for both people.

What things do you do to make love deposits in your marriage account?  Are you making more withdrawals than deposits?  What changes can you make to bring God into the mix of your marriage so that it isn't just hard, but also sweet?

From His Lap,

Not Two Trees, But One

When we first "fall in love" it's as if a powerful wave is crashing to shore.  It knocks our legs out from under us and carries us with the current.  But have you ever noticed how quickly that wave subsides and pulls back out to the ocean?  Many relationships and marriages crumble as that tide of emotion leaves and the feeling of being carried by the current passes.  A kind of stranded feeling remains...one of not being well rooted and grounded.  There is no sure footing remaining, strong enough to hold a couple together.

Louis de Bernierès said, "Love erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.  And when it subsides, you have to make a decision.  You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together, that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.  Because this is what love is.  Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.  Love itself is what's left over after being in love has burned away.  Your mother and I had it.  We had our roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossums had fallen from our branches, we found that we were one tree and not two."

Beautiful words and so true.  But the work that it takes to get to that place seems to be too much for many people.  In order for roots to grow deep, pruning must take place and we don't like to be pruned.  Maybe our spouse has stronger places than we do.  Maybe when the droughts come, we don't want to withstand the heat and the dryness.  Maybe when it's cold and our branches freeze over with ice, it's too painful.

My marriage has certainly withstood the test of time.  We have weathered storms that we thought might break us.  But as we have faced each storm or dry spell, we always turned to the One who makes our union holy.  Our Heavenly Father has always been the Rock that we could go to when we needed to be touched by love.  Crying out to Him was what watered our roots and gave us our strength.  Learning how to forgive and bestow mercy...and receive mercy...it has caused our roots to grow together and make us, not two trees, but one.  And when our last blossums have fallen and all leaves are on the ground, we will still have our gloriously strengthened roots.

That kind of relationship is so beautiful and fulfilling.  We are ever watchful for those waves that come crashing in, sweeping us away for a moment, refreshing us, catching us up in rapturous moments of passion.  And then we are left with our roots so intertwined that we are cannot be separated.   Are you willing to go through the hard seasons, depending on prayer, hope and faith, to see you through or is it just easier to give up and look for someone else to sweep you off your feet in the next wave of passion?

From His lap,

And the Walls Came Crumbling Down

Have you ever read the book of Nehemiah?  It is the story of how Jerusalem lay in ruins and it's gates had been burned.  Nehemiah wanted to rebuild the wall around the city so that the citizens would once again be safe.  He was ridiculed and chastised for trying to rally people into helping build the wall.  But he was steadfast, as he knew attacks would come again and again and the people would never be safe in their homes, without
                                                                            that hedge of protection around them.

If you read the whole story, you will see that people were stationed around the city, family by family, each responsible for building their part of the wall.  As they were rebuilding they were under constant threat of attack from their enemies.  So while they worked on their portion of the wall, they actually had to hold weapons with one hand in order to protect themselves.  They worked side by side, each one having their role in building the wall and protecting the family.

Think about this, each family was busy building and protecting itself.  As a result, a strong wall was built around and protected an entire city.  I think about families today, so scattered, so distracted, so preoccupied with the things of this world.  Who is protecting your family?  Are you working shoulder to shoulder to build up it's strength, all the while, being vigilant to outside danger?  If you take the time to see what is going on with each member of the family and make sure that you are all puting forth the effort to spend time together, praying, laughing, taking walks, whatever it is that your family enjoys doing, you are shoring up the protection that families so desparately need today.

It's not always easy to monitor what our children are watching on tv, doing on the computer, playing on their game system, or doing with their friends.  But, this is how enemy is slipping into families and bringing destruction.  I have witnessed families where the children barely come up for air from their video games.  Their little minds are being filled with God knows what, hour after hour after hour.  Boundaries are almost undetectable in society so we must set boundaries in our homes.  I don't mean we shouldn't ever allow our kids to have fun or that we shouldn't trust them.  We are to build them up, while watching out for them at the same time.  Just like the people did while they were rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem.

It's not just our children who need protection, but marriages, as well.  As life moves on and stress builds, we can either turn to each other, as a couple, for strength and safety, or we can turn outside our marriages.  We make little choices every day that will either weaken or strengthen that bond.

There are some families who have taken a lot of care to build strong walls of protection.  There are others who have cracks in their walls with signs of crumbling on the way, and still others, who's walls have completely come down, their family in shambles!  What if each family did their part to protect each other from the outside forces that are so harmful to them.  It would seem to be the natural progression that with healthy strong families, would come healthy strong neighborhoods which would lead to healthy strong cities and who knows how far this concept could reach.

What steps have you taken to build a strong safe family?  Share some of your ideas with us on how to make a strong society by starting with strong families!

From His lap,

A Life of Gratitude

When I decided to purposefully look for the things in my life that I am blessed with, I was astonished at all of the little things that I had been overlooking; all of the small but beautiful gifts in my life that make my heart sing.  These are the gifts that make up the stories of our lives and without them, my story would be nothing that you would want to read about.  Moments in time, smiles, stolen glances at loved ones, holding hands...these are where our stories begin.

41.  The way my husband makes me laugh.  Half the time I'm laughing just because he thinks he is so funny.  He won't let me go very long with a pout on my face.  He's such a tease.

42.  My husband's kisses...that's all I need to say about this gift!

43.  Rodney's adventurous spirit has made for countless of wonderful family times and especially "Father/Son" times.  Every year, he takes a couple of our sons to the mountains for a week of fun..they like to tease and say they are in search of Big Foot.  They come back with thrilling stories of how they heard him in the woods!

44.  The way he honors, respects and helps his mom is such a gift to me and to our children.  He is tender and generous with her.  He makes sure that our son always spends time with her and helps him with her house and yard.  He is teaching an invaluable lesson to our son.

45.  He knows that I love to be close to the land, so almost every Saturday morning, he gets up and says, "Where do you want to go today?".  He takes his whole Saturday to drive with me taking pictures, just letting me feel close to God.  Precious time spent together, talking, laughing, not saying anything.

46.  Holding hands makes me know my beloved is mine and I am his.

47.  The way he'll play along with me and get dressed up to go to a fundraiser for an organization I believe in.  My friends adore him for that.  He's always willing to "play" along with whatever theme we pick!



48.  The smell of his cigar.  When he's smoking his cigar, I know he's stealing a moment of peace, just for himself.  He will go outside and eventually, I'll catch the wonderful aroma from the cigar wafting through a window.  So I'll go outside just to sit quietly with him and enjoy the company.  Yes, the smell of his cigar tells me he's content and I love it!


What are you grateful for that tells the story of your life?  What small things can you take note of that would leave holes in your life if they weren't there?

If you'd like, you can hop on over to Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts to see what others are thankful for in their stories!   

Happy Birthday, Morgan

My baby, my last child, my #6 out of 6.  He turns 15 years old today.  I woke up with thoughts of him and full of joy this morning.  The Lord was speaking to my heart about things concerning him.  I don't think I've ever seen a child who is such a perfect combination of his parents, but better!  Isn't that God's perfect plan?  To take two different people who He's created who raise children that have the best of both of them.


God has all the attributes of a mother, which add up to grace and He has all the attributes of a father, which add up to law.  He puts these traits together in a man and a woman; a marriage.  And the two become one in a family, both grace and law!  Children get the best of God this way and become better than their parents.

Morgan, my baby, he is strong and can fix things, like his dad.  He can be rough and tumble and tease like his dad but better...he knows when to quit, when enough is enough.  He is compassionate and tenderhearted like his mom, but better...he's not so naive and he knows when someone is taking advantage.  This morning God showed me all of the ways that Morgan is just like his dad and I, but better.  It made my heart sing.  It brought me great joy.  This child that we made, that God breathed life into, has grown into a young man who is strong but gentle, fun loving but thoughtful.

I believe he will live out his days being better than my husband and I.  One day he will give his heart to a girl and they will have children who are better than they...and the cycle goes on...and it's beautiful.  

But for today, I just want to wish him a very Happy Birthday and to tell him that when his dad and I think of him, our hearts are full of joy and pride, of wonder at the man he is becoming.  We have not been perfect parents but we have done our best to recognize the things that God has put in him and to help him develop those things so that he may be a joy to all those whose paths he comes across.  He will carry the light and the love of the Lord with him throughout his life and show kindness and gentle strength.  He is man made, God created and sealed with the promise of the Holy Spirit and I love him so!  Happy Birthday, my love!


From His Lap,

Live Life by Design

I'm reading a book called "What's It Like to be Married to Me?" by Linda Dillow.  In the book, she asks wives to go through an exercise where they imagine their own funeral.  The reader is supposed to picture her husband getting up and speaking about his wife and the marriage that they had.  It really makes you think about whether you live your life as a wife, on purpose or by default. 

So often in life we get so busy, things get so hectic, that we don't even remember our priorities.  People and things that should hold places at the top of our list of priorities are easily shuffled to the bottom, because we think they will "understand" or we fully intend to get around to them later.  We like for our family and friends to think that we are juggling all things well; our relationship with the Lord, our husbands, our kids, our friends, our jobs.  But the truth is, we sometimes put the most important people at the bottom of the list, hoping they won't notice or mind.

But life seldom manages to be not hectic or fast paced.  What then?  What do our actions say to the ones who are waiting for a glance, a touch, a moment of intimacy with us?  We may get used to putting loved ones at the bottom of the list, but they surely never do.  I really began to think about the title to this book "What's it Like to be Married to Me?"  It forced me to ask some really uncomfortable tough questions of myself.  Does my husband always see me come home from work at the end of a long stressful day, not willing to cook dinner or go for a walk with him?  On the weekends, do I give him a long list of things that only he can do, even though he's had a tough week, himself?  When he's in the middle of talking to me and one of our grown children or a friend calls, do I take the call and forget that he was even talking to me?  When he wants to be intimate, do I think to myself, "My God, doesn't he even care that I had a long tough day and I'm not in the mood"?

My husband is the most important human being in my life.  When we are treating each other with kindness, respect, affection and attention, that is the best gift that we can give our children.  That is what will make our kids feel loved the most!  We can choose to live life by design, on purpose; to picture life from the end instead of from the beginning.  What will the people who mattered most to us say?  Did I purposefully give my husband, my children, my family, my friends, the place that they deserved in my life?

Don't think that I believe this is easy.  Living life by design, on purspose, instead of by default, takes work.  It takes committment and dedication.  And most of all, it takes selflessness.  But I also believe that if the ones I love can really feel that I am selfless towards them, it will come back to me one hundred fold.  When I find life getting really hectic or tough, I need to step back and examine who and what I am placing priority on.  Yes, there are times when I need to dedicate myself to a job or committment or appointment.  But I must always make sure my loved ones know that they are my priority.

What would I like my husband to say about me, about our relationship, our marriage, at the end?  What would I want him to be able to say were my best qualities?  Was I a good wife on purpose?  Did he feel loved and cherished by me? 

If we can just purpose in our hearts and ask the Lord to show us how, we can let our spouse know that above all else in this life (except for our relationship with the Lord), they mattered most to us! Most of the time (though there are exceptions), when one human being feels like they are the top priority to another human being, the rewards are endless and there are great times of sweetness to be shared!

From His lap,