How My Daugher Wowed Me

I came to Florida to stay with my daughter and son in law in the last days before the birth of their first child.  Being here with them and observing them so closely, I was blessed to see the deep love and support they share with each other.  As a parent, there's nothing more fulfilling than seeing your children building their own lives, leaning on each other for support and encouragement.  I got to see that up close and personal and I couldn't be more thrilled and proud.  Before this visit, I just thought I knew and loved my daughter.  I discovered that I know and love her even more now.  What I thought was stubbornness and determination, turned out to be strength of character and grace shown in the most painful circumstances.

Laboring at home

In the days leading up to my granddaughter's birth, I watched closely as my daughter's mood shifted in preparation of her daughter's arrival.  She busied herself around the house, making sure everything was ready.  She grew quiet and introspective.  We walked and talked and laughed about what was to come.  We could have never guessed what the next few days' journey would bring.  During that time, I learned exactly who my daughter is and I am in awe of her grace and strength.

The doctors had warned us that this baby was big, maybe 8 lbs, 12 oz.  The fact that my daughter wanted a completely natural childbirth was not sidelined by this news.  She was determined to have the birthing experience that she and her husband had planned.

Laboring at home

I could tell that she was in labor early Thursday morning.  We ate
breakfast and then she and her husband and I went for a walk.  With each contraction, she grew a little more quiet and I watched as she took control of her body, breathing through every contraction.  We got home from our walk and she tried laying down with a heating pad.  At times, she would get into the various positions you are taught to use when in labor.

When they got to about 5 minutes apart, we decided it was time to go to the hospital.  Doctors and nurses are so used to first time moms coming to the hospital too soon and they can tend to be a bit condescending when you try to tell them you think you're in labor.  When they acted like this with my daughter, she just remained quiet and worked through the next contraction.  Finally, they checked her and determined that she had labored to 6 centimeters dilated, at home!  They told us that first time moms never wait that long to come to the hospital and they were quite impressed with her ability to go through the contractions.

Walking to help with labor

Over the next couple of hours, they checked her a few more times.  It wasn't long before she went from a 6 to an 8 to 10 centimeters.  As each contraction crashed down on her, she bravely pressed through it, remaining quiet and persistent that she didn't want anything for the pain.  Her husband and I spoke softly in her ear, that she could do this; that she was strong and brave.  We watched the monitor and would talk her up to the peak of each contraction and then let her know when it was going down and she could catch her breath.  When she reached 10 centimeters and they said that she could push, I left the room to give them the birthing moment in privacy.

That is when everything shifted and I saw my daughter as the woman God created her to be!  She was full of grace and strength.  She never stopped being pleasant with the hospital staff.  But things had changed.  Hours went by as her body was wracked by contractions and pain and pushing.  The doctor determined that the baby was so big that she was having difficulty coming out.  They offered the options of using a vacuum, which has it's risks or an emergency caesarean section.  My daughter never wavered from her plan to have a natural delivery.

Such Love!

At one point, I went back in the room with them.  I had to smile through my tears, as I looked at my
daughters face, full of pain and exhaustion.  I kept telling myself that I had to be strong for her as I struggled not to cry and take her up in my arms.  As she grew more and more tired from pushing, I watched her husband grow weak from concern and worry for her.  I finally asked her to think about her options.  I wanted her to know that it was okay for her to ask for help.  I wanted to assure her that her baby would be okay, if she chose another way.

She finally asked if she could get an epidural so that she could rest between the contractions.  As she sat on the edge of the bed having contractions, with her feet on my knees, hunched over, to get the epidural, I felt such a rush of love for her that I thought I would burst.  All I could do was sit there and kiss her hands that were in mine, over and over again.  It was the same feeling I had when she was born and they placed her in my arms for the first time.  Her body shook with pain and she quietly whimpered in my ear.  It was almost too much for my heart to bear.  But I knew that if she was strong, then I could certainly be strong for her!

Rubbing her back

Slowly, the epidural took effect.  The nurse and I would hold her legs during each contraction, while her sweet husband talked softly in her ear, encouraging her to push their beautiful daughter into this world.  At least now, she could rest between contractions without a lot of pain.  Finally it was time to deliver the baby, so I left them in the capable hands of the nurses and doctor.

Shortly afterwards, my son in law came to the waiting room to let us know that Ryleigh Claire had been born, 9 lbs, 5 oz and that "mom and baby" were fine.  All of my concern and worry melted at that point and I collapsed, sobbing in his arms.  My baby was ok and her baby was ok!  I could breathe again!  Finally, my granddaughter came into this world at 7:35, Friday morning.

The doctor and the nurses said that they would be talking about my daughter for a long time.  As a first time mom, she came to the hospital at 6 centimeters, took no meds for pain, pushed for 6 hour with an epidural just at the end.  They were in awe of her and spoke of how kind and easy she was with everyone who came into her room.

The first moment!

My son in law was her rock throughout the entire process.  He only left her side to visit the restroom.  I saw his eyes fill with tears many times, watching her struggle through so much pain.  When he would go to the restroom, my daughter's eyes would dart around the room looking for him and she would ask for him.  It filled my heart with pride to see them so in love and working together to bring their daughter into this world.

When I go back to Tulsa, I will go knowing my daughter differently than I did when I arrived here.  I already knew that she was special, but I now see a woman who is full of love, grace and strength, who will conquer anything she sets her mind to.  I will go, knowing that she and her husband will be able to tackle anything life throws at them with grace and strength.  She is my hero!  I'm in awe of her and I hope I'm just like her when I grow up!

God is good.  Life is hard.  My daughter has what it takes to make it through anything!  I'm in love with her.

Before we knew what was ahead

Strength in the Lord and each other

Her hands were shaking

Safe in mama's arms

Here at last!

Daddy getting some "skin to skin" time.

Mama's milk makes her sleepy

Responding to mama' voice!

Our princess!

Daddy loves her so!

The proudest Gamgam ever!

From His Lap,

Leadership In Crisis

The subject of this post has been rolling around in my spirit for quite some time.  I have put off writing about it because of fears that it would be taken the wrong way and considered judgemental and offensive.  I assure you, that is not my intention.

As an adult, I have always been involved in many areas of ministry, in the churches I've attended.  Serving in Women's Ministry, Children's Ministry, Greeters Ministry and so much more, I quickly become acquainted with the leadership in the church I'm attending.  I have met so many men and women in leadership, serving God and the Church with complete honor and integrity, who are great examples of how to live the life we are called to live.

But all too often, I have also observed those in ministry leadership who succumb to the temptations of life and become involved in adultery, porn, alcoholism, drug abuse and other destroying lifestyles.  Please don't misunderstand me.  I am not saying that those in ministry will never sin or are never tempted to sin.  And I don't judge those who do.  I am not suggesting that they can't be forgiven and made whole.  But why does the Church choose to elevate and celebrate those leaders who get caught up in these harmful lifestyles and who leave many broken lives in their wake.  Why do we hold them up as the standard for coming out of sin and being made whole?
                 
                                                       
I have watched as many pastors, music ministers, youth leaders and the like, destroy their lives, their families and their ministries.  Then, they go through a short period of counseling, rehab and restoration and all of a sudden, they are writing books, speaking to churches, counseling and proclaiming how they fell into sin and God brought them out and restored them.  I don't doubt their testimonies and I don't question that they have been forgiven and made clean and righteous.

What I do question, is why does the Church celebrate this?  What does this say to these leader's  spouses, families and children, who are left behind to pick up the pieces of their broken lives?  Why doesn't the Church celebrate the minister who sticks in there and does the right thing, not because it's easy, but just because it is right.  Sin is the easy way out.  It's not difficult giving into temptation.  The hard thing is, when facing temptation, trials and forbidden pleasure, saying "no" to them and staying pure and clean.

Some would say that we need these types of testimonies so that when we fall and don't think God will forgive us, we can see other's examples of sin and restoration.  There are plenty of testimonies of every day folk, who are brought out of much sin and wrecked and ruined lives.  Why do we need these types of testimonies to come from the leadership of the Church?  Let them be the ones who show us how not to fall into these harmful lifestyles.  Scripture says that God calls and sets apart leaders and shepherds
                                                             who are called to a higher standard.
                                                             
During the last years of her life, my mom was in a wheel chair.  My father, a pastor, had to fix meals for her, bathe her, take her to the restroom, and not have any chance of an intimate relationship with his wife.  It was not easy.  It wasn't the life he had envisioned for him and my mom.  It wasn't pleasant.  Every day, he had to make the choice to do what was right and to rely on the Lord to be his strength and constant companion.

Of course I pray for all leaders who have fallen into sin, just as I hope they would pray for me when I am struggling.  I know that the Lord loves them dearly and wants to restore them fully and have them back in the fold.  But I wish that the Church would make a way for those in leadership, who are being tempted to fall into grave sin, to be able to share their struggle with someone without the fear of being judged, condemned and ostracized.  We should provide a way out before they fall!  Maybe then, they could join hands with someone and gain the faith and strength they need to reject sin, to not fall, so that they can live the life they are called to live, without destroying their lives and the lives of those they love.

From His lap,

The Tide Took It All Away

I'm lying here in the sand while the warmth of the sun settles over me like a cotton sheet. As I close my eyes, the sounds of the crashing waves collide with the call of seagulls overhead. The soft ocean breeze blows over me, tickling the tiny invisible hairs on my body, while each wave of the incoming tide washes over my heart. As the waves retreat, I feel every care, worry and hurt fade away to some distant place where I delightfully let them go. Maybe I'll just leave them there.

My life is busy, just like yours.  I work on the corporate staff of a company that oversees 150 franchises.  My husband and I are partners/owners of a popular restaurant in Tulsa, OK.  Between the 2 of us, we have 7 children and 5 grandchildren.  The list of things to do each day never gets completed, adding to tomorrow's duties and my frustration grows as the list grows.

I've worked outside of the home since I was quite young, and while raising my children.  So I'm used to the pace and the daily grind.  But this year has been different.  This year, things started to "get to me".  My heart and soul had been bumped and bruised in several places. My body began to tell me that I'd better slow down and take care of myself.  Do you think I listened?  I ignored the signs that my body, mind and spirit had simply had enough.  I developed a debilitating case of the Shingles that left me home bound and in excruciating pain for a long time.  My body basically said, "If you don't listen to me and slow down, I will do it for you."  And that's exactly what happened.

I don't want to bore you with the list of stressful things that were on my list this year; suffice it to say, I needed a break.  I needed emotional healing and some rest and relaxation.  Hence, the trip to the beach and the therapy it provided!  For the first time in my life, I think I truly understand what people mean when they say that if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else.  I had reached my limit, poured myself out and had nothing left to give...to myself or others.

We all have that place we visit, that room in our house, that person to sit with, that refreshes us and fills our soul.  For me, it's the ocean.  For me, I find healing in just about every aspect of it; the breeze, the waves, the unforgiving sand, the call of the seagulls, the taste of salt on my lips, the tides...it's all healing to me.

I don't think I'll ever not listen to my body or soul again.  Why wait until your body shuts down, or you're emotionally worn out?  Make plans now to do whatever gives you renewed strength and hope!

From His lap!

Resting In Him

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.  Open the eyes of my heart.  Help me to see how much you love me.  Let your grace flow over me like a river and descend on me with your peace.  Let me catch a dazzling glimpse of your smile as you delight over me.  Oh, Holy One, find every secret place in me and flood it with your love and mercy.  

I give you every worry and fear.  I turn them all over to you, realizing that everything pales in comparison to the love you have for me.  Let every word and action burn away, that doesn't reflect you.  I lay it all down at your feet so that I am unburdened to climb onto your lap, lay my head on your chest and feel your heart beat with love for me.

There is none like you.  None who see me and know me and yet love me so completely.  I rest in your arms as you pour out your healing balm over my wounded body and soul.  There is no lack or pain when I am with you.  You are strength and peace to my tired aching life.  The works of your hands are mighty in me, to the pulling down of strongholds.  

I find freedom and joy in the solace of your embrace.  I see things more clearly through the eyes of your grace and my sin falls away as I'm washed clean.  There is no place I'd rather be in the quiet moments when I face myself and know that I can only be whole, in you.  In you, I live and move and have my being.

From His Lap,

The Ring on My Thumb

Always.  Everyday.  I want to feel His presence.
So will I remember to ask Him to walk with me today?
How can I forget how sweet it is to brush shoulders as we walk together...my Lord and I?
I oft feel His hand on my cheek, sometimes brushing away a tear.
How can the God who created the universe walk so close, be so near?
Sometimes, we say nothing.  But there are those days when I pour out the hurts that fill my aching heart.  Pour them out to Him who washes away the ache and bathes me in His glory.
Our sweetest times are when the gratitude for His grace and mercy fills me to the point that it has to spill out. In these moments, praise and thanksgiving erupts from the altar of my heart and escapes my lips as a song.
I've made my heart an altar.  An altar to Him who listens, who speaks.  An altar to Him who asks me into His throne room and lets this daughter climb up on His lap.  Lets me lean my weary head against His chest.  So close.
How could I not want to tarry there? Always?  Everyday?
When I rise and when I sleep and those moments in between, will I pause, will I listen for His still small voice?
Will I look into the eyes of those around me and see Him in their lives, His presence there to bless all who would stop and take note?
I wear His ring on my right hand.  The ring on the thumb, it doesn't feel natural. I always feel it, notice it, touch it.  It's there to remind me, "Have you thought about Him today?"
Always.  Everyday.  I want to feel His presence.

From His lap,

Will You Let the Son Melt the Ice?

In December of 2013, the frigid temperatures, the wind and the humidity swirled in a perfect combination and settled over Tulsa, OK in a thick sheet of ice.  Roads became impassable and the sounds of ice covered trees, snapping beneath the weight of the ice, filled the air for several days. Even from inside the house, we could hear the branches break and fall crashing to the ground.  Are there things in this life, Dear One, that are weighing you down? Are your burdens heavy and causing your will and your hope to snap and be torn in two?  Are you, like these trees, succumbing to the pressures of life?

Thankfully, there were trees that didn't crumple with the heavy ice.  But these trees, that once stood proud and tall, reaching toward heaven, were now, humbly bowed down, touching earth, frozen to the ground.  They were unable to free themselves and stretch their boughs to the sky.  I went out and stood underneath those branches, where it looked like I was in the middle of a frozen wonderland.  Limbs that I could normally never reach, surrounded me on all sides, with the ice shimmering in the sunshine.  It was as if I was standing among strands of diamonds!

Trees that once stood tall, now hung upside down with the weight of the ice!

Standing underneath branches that normally were high above my reach.

Not only were the trees encased in ice, but early blooms and buds, that had begun to come to life, were shrouded in a glittering shell.  It was all at once, beautiful and disturbing.  I wondered, would these delicate blooms be able to continue their growth and blossom and be fruitful, once the ice melted, or would they fall from the vine, unable to go on with life?  Do your troubles cover you, stopping you from going forward with life?  Do you feel stuck, unable to reach toward the Son?  Are you frozen in time by circumstances and fear?

Sure enough, after several days, the warmth of the sun began to melt the ice. You could hear small pieces of ice fall to the ground all around like the sound of breaking glass.  We watched in amazement as the biggest, strongest trees, broke loose from the ice.  They sprang right back to their proud position tall and reaching for the sky.  They basked in the sun, as strong as ever.  I wondered, if we drench ourselves in the presence of Christ, can our loads be lifted and can we be set free to reach toward the Son and all of His glory?

It was then, that I noticed something that broke my heart.  The youngest trees, the babies, the ones who were the smallest and weakest; they didn't bounce back when the ice left them.  I was confused and asked my husband, why those trees didn't stand back up, tall and strong.  The other trees were much heavier and it seemed as though it should have been those trees that had difficulty straightening up.  But it was not so.  The strong trees had roots that went deep and held firm to the earth that they were buried in.  The younger trees, my husband explained, came up by the roots, with the weight of the ice. They weren't deep enough, strong enough, to withstand the elements.

"Yes, that's it," I thought!  If we don't bury ourselves deep in Him, if our root system is shallow and not drinking in from rich deep soil, His Word and His Spirit, than we can be pulled up by the roots.  When life and burdens become heavy, we can be uprooted, lose hope and not stand tall and finish our race, our high calling!

If you are going through times that are trying and testing you, causing you to be weighed down, take heart.  I encourage you to make time with Him, in His Word, worshipping Him.  Send your roots deep, until you can't tell where you begin and the Son ends.  Become entwined, enmeshed in His heart.  Let Him bear your burdens and walk with you.  Tell Him your deepest hurts and fears.

The Son can melt that which is too heavy for you to bear.  He will be your grace and keep you strong.

From His lap,

The Messiness of Faith

Most people don't like the messiness of faith.  But faith can only exist in a world where life is difficult.  Otherwise, there would be no need for it.  Whatever God calls us to, will challenge us.  It won't be easy and it won't just fall in our laps.  Walking out our unique path won't always come without stones in the road, or detours, or pitfalls.  The thing about faith, is that He is with us through all of those challenges.  That's the beauty of faith...even at it's messiest.

When life seems to hit the fan and fall apart, He wants us to talk to Him first, before doing anything else.  Scripture says that He is a very present help in time of trouble.  Turning to Him, orienting our hearts towards Him, opens the door for Him working on our behalf, and in so doing...relying on Him...builds our faith. Going to the place that doesn't change, (God's presence), causes things in us, to change.

We think it's okay to believe, as long as it doesn't interfere with the way we act, the way we think, the way we treat people.  If we dare to really think about what we believe, it messes with us.  It makes us step outside of our boundaries and the places where we feel safe.  It changes us and it changes how we live.  Most of us assume that when things get messy, we have stepped outside of faith and are walking in places where we shouldn't be.  But God calls us to be uncomfortable, to be stretched, to be challenged.

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and think, "God, can I tackle this again today?  Do I want to engage in the messiness of where you are taking me?".  When I have these doubts, I know that He understands why I have them and He isn't offended.  But He wants me to repent of my doubt and to allow Him to be at work in me.

If your life is messy and not going in the direction you think it should be, settle down, go to the place that never changes and wait upon the Lord.  He will speak to your heart about the next step.  He will comfort your hurts and hold you until you've worked out your next step with Him.  A friend shared this Scripture with me this week:  "God, the Master, The Holy of Israel, has this solemn counsel: “Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me." — Isaiah 30:15  Did you catch that?  Settle down in complete dependence!  Faith is messy and faith is hard, but we have His instruction to settle down and depend on Him.  That's where I want to be!

No matter if God is leading me through a place that is challenging or if life is throwing me curve balls, I want to want to step out in faith, walk through the messiness, depending on Him.  I don't want to miss out on a life of meaning and purpose, just because I'm afraid to let go and let God!

From His Lap,
~Erin

Our Spiritual Walk Through Human Experience

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin was a French Jesuit priest who said, "We are all spiritual beings having a human experience."  I would venture to say that most people would say it the other way around, that "We are all human beings having a spiritual experience."  But I'm in agreement with de Chardin.  Scripture tells us that God made man in His image.  Although human beings have many of the same attributes of each other, we all look very different.  There are many different races, all with varying characteristics that make it so you can definitely tell us apart from each other.  If our human bodies are all so different,  how is it that we are all made in the image of God?

Could it be that when God formed us in His image, He meant His spiritual image and then He shrouded our spirit in a human form?  I remember when my mom passed from this life to the next, I was terrified to walk into the funeral home and see her there for the first time.  I prayed, took a deep breath and linked arms with my dad as we walked into the room together with my siblings.  I slowly moved my eyes towards her, shaking to my very core.  She looked so beautiful and so peaceful.  She looked just like herself, but at the same time, she looked nothing like herself.  I knew in an instant, that my mother wasn't there.  This, before me, was merely the shell that my mother was housed in while she walked on this earth.

I was actually comforted by this thought.  I remember a small smile coming across my lips as I considered that she was now with the Lord.  What if our humanness is just along for the ride, moving us from experience to experience? If we look at the totality of our lives as spiritual beings experiencing humankind, it changes how we see ourselves and others.  And it should, change the way we treat the people we bump up against in life.

When I remember that I am a spiritual being, I'm encouraged that the possibilities of being a light in a dark world are very real.  I'm merely a vessel for the Lord to work through to touch the lives of those around me.  And the Lord also brings others across my path that will help me heal from the wounds of living in a human fallen world.  Our human experience has limits but our spiritual being knows no bounds when it comes to reflecting the love of God, the presence of peace and the power of grace, mercy and forgiveness.

Imagine living a life, where we don't put such importance on people's human looks, failings or limitations, but where we celebrate the Divine in them, the God in them.  I'm not saying that we should let others walk on us or that as a society, we should tolerate & let people get away with evil. But I find that when I celebrate the God like qualities in people, they tend to allow those characteristics to grow and their broken human tendencies to diminish.

It's not an easy way to live and I tend to slip back into my humanness and see people in their humanness,  But I find that when I spend time in prayer and praise and worship and in the presence of the Lord, I'm able to remember that He created me in His image.  He imparted His character to me, giving me the ability to be a "spiritual being having a human experience."  I pray that you are able to allow the Godly traits that were imparted to you when you were created, to shine and grow, causing the things in you that are not of God, to diminish and lose strength.  If you are facing tough circumstances in 2013, my hope for you is that you are able to see the infinite possibilities, in God, that will help you walk through those experiences coming out of them stronger and purer.

From His lap,

That's About the Size of It!

One evening, early this summer, I was enjoying a few moments of quiet on my front porch.  It's where I go to listen to my waterfall and wind chimes and to hear from God.  On this particular evening, I was watching the goldfish in my pond. My husband and son had built this pond for me a couple of years ago for Mother's Day.

In the pond are three goldfish.  We had purchased them from Wal-Mart several years ago when our son was younger.  When we got them, they were each less than an inch long. They were kept in a bowl on the counter and over about a year's time, they didn't seem to grow much at all.  Then, my husband built a tiny little pond in the back yard and we put the fish in there.  They grew a couple of inches while they lived in that pond for about 2 years.  Then, we built that much bigger pond by my front porch and moved the fish, once again, to a new home.  Since we put them in this pond, they have grown several inches.  They are quite beautiful and have developed shimmering white tails.

That summer night, as I sat there watching those fish, I sensed the Lord speaking to my heart.  He showed me how each time, as the fish were placed in new, unfamiliar environments, bigger environments, they grew. (I read later that gold fish actually grow according to the size of the space they are placed in.)  What if thats how it works with us? What if, when we allow the Lord to move us into new situations and circumstances, our faith grows or our dreams grow?  The Lord showed me that if I wanted to go grow spiritually and emotionally, I would have to allow Him to move me to unfamiliar and maybe even scary territory.  Had I become complacent and content with the condition of my heart, spiritually?  Had I stopped growing, feeling secure right where I was?

Little did I know, as I sat there that evening, how God's words about those goldfish would stir my heart again and again.  I couldn't have known that my summer would be full of new and scary and unfamiliar experiences.  But the Lord had prepared my heart.  He had shown me that if I was willing, if I would only trust Him, He would take me to and through new places that would cause me to grow; grow in my faith, grow in strength and most of all, see miracles of complete restoration and healing in relationships that would change my world, as I knew it.

My dear friend, if you are facing new and uncertain circumstances, if God is leading you to higher ground, it's only because He wants you to grow.  Each time you allow Him to take to to a new place, you will experience glorious and beautiful growth.  He wants you to expand the borders of your heart and walk out your dreams and hopes.  He will surely walk with you and cover you with grace. Don't let the fear of growth and change hold you back from experiencing all that God has for you in this life.  

From His Lap,